Why Women Feel Judged More Often?

I read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg in 2020, and all these years I thought it was just me feeling insecure, not enough, needing validation all the time and judging my own self more often than the others. I would often spend hours thinking about things that barely mattered to the world, I would often feel undervalued, judged and would be embarrassed with my own actions. It still happens, even today, despite of the fact that today I am more conscious on the surroundings and its impact on me. The whole day I could not stop thinking of the screwup I did in a common forum with many ears listening to. I could not focus on the work post the blunder, hence I netflixed. To cheer myself up, and honestly find out more on how to deal with useless feelings of remorse, I read articles and watched Sheryl’s interviews, read about the embarrassing moments by the other world leaders in public and how they dealt with it. I also had a laugh reading an article on 10 Most Embarrassing Moments in the Business

I mentioned these to my guy friends, and how impacted I felt. The guys casually shrugged it off stating I have been overthinking, and this is silly. I could not help but see the stark difference on how men thought vs women. Women consoled me while, men dismissed. I have personally often came across many examples, where men particularly don’t stress too much on detailing of what happened, whereas women tend to remember and replay in the head on what went wrong, how and public opinion.

This starts with me being a child, as a kid, my family would often scold me for the notoriety, while brother would get away as boy kid, he is supposed to be notorious. I would often told, repeatedly, to think about the school, neighbors, relatives, family, however my brother was pushed to play sports and study harder, without thinking of the world. Now I feel, perhaps, my adult self has not grown out of the girl child, and building self esteem starts there. Today, I have to instill the habit of feeling okay, when in reality I feel judged, embarrassed and awkward. However, it seems natural for most men. The feeling of being more careful has stayed with most women since centuries, leading to women being more risk-averse and refraining from speaking out. Referring to a 2019 article as New Study Finds Why Women Are Less Willing To Take Risks Than Men Are. The research of bunch of kids from different schools suggests, the difference in women’s attitude towards the risks, carefree and going all out than men is hidden in raising the kids.

What We Need to Adopt as a Society?

Women Must Stop Seeking Constant Validation — This is at the subconscious level, where women seek far more validation, support and approvals than men. This indicates lack of self belief.

Equal Upbringing for Kids — This trait not only means equal education, but it means the basic life lessons, like allowing the girl children to play in the playground, fall while playing, encouraging the kids to go out of comfort zone, not comparing. Boy kids are needed to not safeguard thegirls but to provide respect and equal opportunities.

Laugh It Off on the Awkwardness — It starts with small steps, if we don’t have innate qualities to accept and let go, we can develop in the course of time. Laughing on the weaknesses, than stressing on the limitations, is a good way to lighten up. This helps in not holding importance to what went wrong, instead focusing on what needs to be done.

Move Ahead — Often, for men, women, kids, elders, everyone end up thinking about the judgement of the world. This slows down the process. It is less important to the world to think about us than what we actually think about. Perhaps, the world is not even interested in what-you-did-last-summer. Hence, let it go, kick start and move on.

Do Not Self Blame — This is a no brainer, self blaming has toxic impact on health, body and mind. It is not your fault if you have goofed up, life happens and this shall too pass.

I am still developing few of the concrete habits and thought process to stay head strong in the game, some processes take time.